I went to a fancy eatery for a nosh up as one does when one's good Lady is hanging on to one's arm, after a goodly night of dance and song.
We sat, nice enough waiter chap tended to our choices, we had the house white, a pork terrine starter, gorgeously slow roasted and baked lamb leg with a redcurrant jus/gravy with a medley of buttered veggies, plus a shared chocolate tart and slowly finished off with a board of cheeses and pickles. . . this, naturally filled us up and had us warmly and blissfully nursing some delish ports by the restaurant's fire.
A good enough night I thought as I sucked on the mints after paying the bill, not forgetting to slip a fiver in the polite waiter's pocket, when. . . an uproarious halloo filled the cosy setting as this sweaty, ruddy-faced plonker appeared drying his mitts on a tea cloth and smiling with a bashfulness that suggested he had just invented a cure for cancer. Garbed in this stupid "I'm such an individual" chequered chef-pants, with a spazzy spotted bandana wrapped around his sweaty chav-like bonce.
"It's what I do. . . what can I say?" He said as the room filled up with applause.
""Erm." I interrupted holding up my hand. He turned looking at me.
"Yes?" He asked.
"Look, I came here to have a quiet meal and a chill with my wife, why do you have to come out and disrupt it?"
"You didn't like my cooking eh?" He said.
"On the contrary, it was fantastic, and you should be pleased with that. . . but, a fellow did a wonderful job with my new Insurance plan, doesn't mean I want to stand up and applaud the gormless, office dork idiot does it?" He faired puffed up.
"Well. . " he retorted.
"Look, you cook the food, we eat it. Savvy? If we like it, we shall buy it, which means you get to run a business. . . now pish off and be a good cook and stay in the kitchen. Unless you are about to proclaim yourself as the second coming, or you have the blueprints to life itself, feck off back to yer kitchen and stop boring the shite out of us."
Well. . . , does anyone share my thoughts with this?
You should write plays, not questions.