Scholarship Essay Help?

Hello All,
I'm currently a transfer student from MDC. I am having a hard time brainstorming for my scholarship essay to be accepted into FAU scholarship housing BPW . The scholarship question is the following:How Living in the BPW Scholarship House Will Help You Be Successful at FAU”
This is what I have so far. CRITICS AND SUGGESTION WILL BE HELPFUL

As an adolescent, dreaming big and pushing myself beyond my own capability came naturally. From a young age I’ve been very determine to pave my own path in life, but of course that didn’t come easily. Now that I’m older and more mature I had to face the reality that things can’t always happen when and how you want it, there is always a higher being that has a blueprint of your destination. Education wasn’t always my first choice, like any other young adult I had my insecurity of how and where I was going after High School. Growing up in a household where education was not the highest priority on my mother list didn’t make things any easier. I believe that it’s my duty to break out the cycle of ignorance towards education in my family. Being admitted into BPWSH will help me accomplish my goal of demonstrating that education is the key to success in any given situation. This scholarship will help me succeed throughout my journey at FAU by not only easing the financial burden, but also give me a sense of community and allowing me to share common desire for success with other women.








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